I don't really remember when i noticed it, or when it actually started to see them. I don't call them ghosts neither sprites, since i can still interact with them and talk with them. I call them Entity's since there is no better word for it than that.
As a child my life was normal i was a normal happy kid living a normal life, but at some point i started to see irregularities on some people, they were like flickering from time to time. At the age of 12 when i was interested on a girl i really liked i asked her out. I was walking with her and i saw another girl just like her, at first i didn't think much of it thought it was only a doppelganger i pointed at her and said to the girl "Hey you have a doppelganger" she looked at me with a confused face asking "To who are you pointing at?" then it hit me slowly as i still pointed at her and said "She is right there, you don't see her?" she got even more confused and even scared a little thinking i was pointing on a ghost or that i was just seeing things. Wasn't even a full minute when she said "I...I need to go" and she just ran didn't even look back not even once. I went to the girl who i was pointing at and when i was almost in front of her she started to flicker, its like when TV has a bad signal and there is static, somewhat like that, it even scared me and i ran just as well.
Its been 9 years and i have been living a dull life, almost no friends no relationships with anyone, it was a sad way of living but i didn't know who was actually real and who was an Entity. A month ago it escalated even more and i started to see more Entities and more people who looked all the same, at some point i even tried to took my own life by cutting an artery on my leg but i missed the artery and explained it by falling while i had a knife on my hand, kinda impossible to explain to psychiatrist i tell you. The loneliness got me more and more, i felt utterly broken even took in alcohol to not see the shit world offered, do not feel like i was all alone, suffering from the hell i couldn't explain to anyone but i didn't feel like giving hope, i just hoped it to be a temporal weakness. Luckily i had a gifted mind and could remember things easily so I went to learn psychology and got doctor decree just to learn as much as i can about a condition i have and that's how i found out how can it happen:
Entities are real people, but not from this world, they are living in parallel universe because a particle of an atom can be in two places at once so can a human brain waves and electrons. We believe schizophrenics live in a parallel universe as well because the brain waves are reverted and switched with a parallel world. The weird part is that my brain waves are in more than one parallel universe.
When i was done with my paperwork late at night i rushed back home and ran down the stairs, as i was in a door a girl accidentally slammed into me and my paperwork was all over the place, she looked at me as she was helping me to pick up the papers and whispered "Another parallel eh...." i didn't really hear hear what she told until she helped me with the papers and we went on our own paths. I was in a corner of a street when i recalled it i remembered what she said and what she wrote on the papers, i dropped everything and ran back as fast as i could laughing and telling myself "She is like me!". There was a chance, that i wont be alone anymore because there was another human with the same condition as me. I ran back to the place, but she was nowhere near, i ran most of the near streets through and i was giving up hope, hope what i didn't have for so long. Then i saw her and yelled, "YOUR LIKE ME!" she looked back at me with a confused face i thought maybe its a parallel version of her. I walked near her and asked "Your seeing them to?" she looked at me with a face what was in a deep thought, even her eyes seemed to be dead and answered to me with a calm voice "Seeing what exactly?" I looked behind me and checked there was noone around and i looked into her eyes still doubting if i should tell her or not but i risked it and explained bits and pieces on what is going on and the theory. She started to tremble, her eyes went from dead to so alive filling with tears and she said to me with crackling voice "Finally, i wont be alone" she rushed to me and hugged me and just cried. I have never seen anyone having a smile like that and still crying like that i hugged her back and my first thought was "She is the one eh..." even my eyes started to fill with tears, but i could hold em back.
As we were there holding each other I asked "How long have you suffered?" She looked back at me as she was wiping her tears and said "Too long", she grabbed me even tighter and i felt that it wont last for long.
She started to go static, a group of people were coming out of the corner they went static aswell world slowly changed as people faded away. I yelled "No god damn it, not like this!! Not when I'm finally not alone" suddenly i noticed that she started to fade away, whispered to her ear "I will find you" and hold her even more tightly she looked to my eyes and smiled. Not many seconds went by when i didn't feel her in my arms anymore and suddenly, she was gone. I ran back to my workplace and ran a scan on my brain the results were that its cured, my brainwaves are on this universe."ahahaahah, 25 fucking years and when i got some hope its cured??!" and i started to loose my mind, insanity got a hold of me. Then i heard a whispering in my ears saying "Find me".
How much does someone need to suffer in order to understand everyone who have suffered aswell? Odd question what i asked myself when i was younger. I almost had no friends no connections no nothing. I really thought that hell exists and we are the ones who design it. I turned off my emotions and it felt like i wasn't human anymore, and that was hell for me. Having no heart is the same as being dead.
Even after i turned back normal i knew something was still off, something i couldn't explain even if i would need to lie about it. And that's how i set myself to find out what it was, hell for her i could do anything at this point, because she was the one who made me feel human again, i didn't feel alone anymore. She wasn't in my life for a long time even though i was already so far gone, so god damn far gone into the darkness that i thought no one could save me. It seems people don't need much to be saved just a hand or in some case someones warm heart.
*We all are given a choice at one point or another, no matter what choice we make we will always regret the choice we didn't take*
Unfortunately i broke apart completely and i couldn't handle my emotions, i got angry and mad for no reason. Felt like madness took over.I laughed like a maniac for hours, I couldn't even sleep anymore because i couldn't see entities. I started to see nightmares of them, i suspected it was something to do with my brain chemistry changing rapidly. I started to drink a lot in order to sleep, everything, madness, anger took over me.I couldn't handle it anymore. Then i did it again. I tried to take my own life. Again..
Even this time i failed. Seems i was not ready to die, not yet, not until i have found her. What a sorry excuse to keep living, but it was the only lie i wanted to believe.
I woke up in a hospital two months later, doctors said i was lucky since the blood loss was very severe. Fortunately they think it was an accident since the knife ended up in my heart after all not damaging it. I don't even know how they knew i was dying, who told them!!? Then I started to think back, i might not be able to see her but she can still see me. She is the same, so she can interact with my world. But a question remained. Why with my world but not with me? And why cant i see her?
As soon as i got out of the hospital i started to research the brain and the parts what control the dreams and vision, since if something changed at those parts i could see other worlds again. Suddenly i got a massive headache and saw something like a mirage in front of me and i heard someone saying "Your almost there!", headache went even worse and i passed out hitting my head into the side of the table.
I woke up 9 hours later with a headache and a nice bump in my head. I looked outside and saw people being static and asked myself "So what, bumping my head into the table really worked?". I looked my hands and they were static as well and yelled "What the hell!" as i started to panic, "This shouldn't happen!". I felt a calming voice behind me saying "Relax, breathe in and breathe out" it was her voice i was sure of it. I breathed in and out and tried to calm myself down, static started to slowly fade away. I was afraid to look behind me, since i didn't know if she was there or not, the disappointment of her not being there just kept me from not looking behind me. I looked down the window again and people were still static so it means most likely she is as well. I slowly turned around and saw her smiling but she was static and slowly started to fade. I lost it again and yelled "NO, PLEASE, STAY" As she smiled she looked at me and said "You will find a way, i'm sure of it" and i dropped down to my knees "no, no, no, NO, NOT AGAIN!!"
I started to hear voices.
"You know, you have the answer practically in front of you."
I was very confused and started to look around myself "Who said that? God don't tell me i'm hearing voices now" I started to panic thinking i hit my head too much and maybe damaged some parts of my brain.
"You ain't hearing voices dumbass, i'm another version of you trying to help."
My heart and breathing calmed down. "Yes, its possible, but why i cant see you?"
I saw someone resembling me in a reflection. "You got one part to work, but another one is still closed. Besides, there is only one way to go to her and its not pretty, i don't think you could handle the truth anyways."
I looked to the reflection and saw the guy fading away. "No, no wait, what other way? What truth?"
As the guy was fading away he waved and said "Well, i came up with the solution and since your practically the same as me, you will come up with the solution aswell. Seeya man"
He smiled and slowly faded as i still yelled "NO, WAIT, I DON'T, I DON'T KNOW!" but it was too late. Again a massive headache hit me and i was able to sit before passing out "Ah crap not again!".
I woke up and only 4 hours has passed, but i felt very differently, i couldn't even explain how but something has been changed something major what might lead me to her. Maybe this time i will get to her. Or maybe this time madness will take over me and i will die for real.
I always thought i could fight this, this lingering feeling that something was missing. That part of me i never noticed missing until it ended, until i couldn't see Entities anymore. Its funny we only start noticing things we want from life, things we want to find what we thought were missing and we start to do it when something major happens in our life, something so drastic that we are broken to the very core of our existent only to build up ourselves and noticing the missing parts. She was my missing part, someone i had to find no matter on what cost. I almost lost my life so many times because of it but i will keep fighting I will keep fighting until i find her.
I scanned my brain over and over again, trying to find out what happened with me. I even checked my neural connections and how will they react to different chemicals when i inject them directly to my brain, but there was only one part of the brain i couldn't reach. The blood flow was normal, but it wasn't connected to the rest of the brain neurally.
I went to get a surgery on my brain, doctor said it was 50/50 that I might even die. Small price to pay to be honest. I had to be awake throughout the surgery to reconnect my brain neurally with the part what was like cut off.
As surgery went on and on i started to see flashbacks of memories I thought i never had, something about a building and a man talking to me in the dark i even saw a gun. Then things went bad, i started having epileptic seizures and the doctor had to stop the surgery, any more and i might have died.
When i woke up in the hospital i thought i was seeing ghosts. I saw people, but i didn't and it confused me since i was thinking i was still on medicines of some sort. Then it started again, flashbacks of memories i shouldn't have, and she was in it, with me. I saw the building again, even the exact address and floor and room and i knew i had to go there.
It took me two weeks to get out of the hospital but by that time i only saw more and more flashbacks. Its like watching a movie, a movie with a lot of cliffhangers. I managed to get a hold of a building i'm supposed to go, its only an hour way of my place, but i couldn't drive a car because of the surgery so i took a bus. Even in the bus the closer i got to the place i had to go the worse the flashbacks got. I finally reached my destination and when i was in the lobby i was recognized somehow, even though i have never been here. I asked about the room i was supposed to go and they nicely directed me there. As i was making my way to there i heard sirens around the building like something bad happened. Or was supposed to happen, but i had no idea what until it did.
I didn't knock on the door and just went in, i saw a guy sitting on a chair facing away from me. He took a drink and said:
Unknown:"You know, it kinda took you long enough to get here, was expecting you sooner"
I knew that voice, i have heard it somewhere. It felt nostalgic.
Me:"Who are you, and how to you know i was coming here"
He lit up a cigarette and faced towards me, but i couldn't see his face since it was so dark on his part of the room.
Unknown:"I unfortunately don't have time to explain this much, hell, i'm surprised to last this long"
He started coughing uncontrollably and dropped his drink.
Me:" What are...are you alright? Could you please "
As he interrupted me.
Unknown:"The flashbacks, they are not yours, but from another reality of you, a reality where you saved her."
Me:" Wait, what, saved her? But she is an Entity she is.."
He slammed his hand on to the table.
Unknown:" SHE IS NOT AN ENTITY! She is real, but stuck, stuck because of you."
He started to cough uncontrollably again.
Unknown:" Damn, i don't got enough time...I'm almost done for"
Me:" Stuck? you don't have enough time, wha..
Unknown:" I failed man, and i lost her but you still have time to save her, the place where you first saw her and met her, the answer is there to save her"
He reached to his bag and took out a gun.
Hell, i thought he was trying to kill me.
Me:"What are you."
Unknown:" This bullet isn't meant for you, its for me."
He slowly pointed the gun for his head.
Me:" No wait, don't do this, i still wanna know more, DON'T!"
He started to squeeze the trigger and said: "I couldn't save her, but you can" The loud bang punctured my left ear and left the right one ringing. At the same time the door behind me was kicked down and i was tackled by special forces as i yelled "NO, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!" To a guy who just took his own life.
Talk about escalating quickly. I wasn't hold long in the police apartment since there was a camera in that room and it recorded it all, when i was asked to see it they wouldn't let me saying its confident. A weird guy came to talk with me that did i recognized anything about that guy, something i had in common with him. I said i recognized his voice from somewhere. The guy was a Doctor, studying same thing as I'm but he didn't say much, not even his name.
I couldn't hear anything from my left ear and the ringing in my right stopped, at the same minute i remembered what he said "the place where you first saw her and met her, the answer is there to save her", like what the hell does it even mean, save her? I walked to the place where i first saw her and i couldn't believe my eyes, she was there sitting on the bench she noticed me as well and walked towards me. As she got closer she started to static. I walked towards her as well and started to run, i got 2 meters in front of her when she disappeared. And i heard something saying into my ear:" its all fake...open your eyes". I couldn't figure it out on what she told me but as i started to have a lingering feeling like i remembered something, it was like a feeling when seeing a crush. Then it happened again, i could see Entities a minute went by and i had a strong pain in my heart and my head, i tried to lean on something as the pain got worse and worse..As i dropped to the street i remembered what actually happened and where i was. "Shit, it was that easy?" And i passed out.
So what are we searching for? We keep dragging our feet every single day always on the lookout for something or someone. As a human being i hate this feeling like constantly wanting something i can never get, or trying to find someone i could never find no matter how hard i try. This feeling is still inside of me though. The feeling that something is missing, something whats so close to me but i could never figure out what it is or who. Sometimes i just wanna quit, but the feeling that i will find it someday is the only thing what keeps me going, even if its just a fools hope. I would be long dead without it so i just need to keep going.
I woke up in the same street couple of hours later, but i couldn't remember anything what happened in last few hours, only pits and pieces like the reality was shattered. But i felt something, pain. Fortunately this wasn't physical pain but mental, its like my heart ached and on the same time i had the feeling of anxiety like the feeling when seeing a person i like. I laid on my back for an half an hour figuring out what happened, oddly enough there was no one on the street like i was still dreaming. i finally managed got up and stumbled because of the head trauma when falling, i kept walking and walking still trying to figure out what happened i couldn't see clearly either, everything was a bit fuzzy and i fell again.
"What is it what i'm missing, there must be something i didn't see." I woke up when an ambulance was carrying me to a hospital, they said i lost a lot of blood and the wound on my head is so big they were surprised i managed to stay alive til this point. The pain went worse the closer we got to the hospital it was like a feeling of rejection, the doctor saw me in pain and injected me with a sedative and i fell asleep. Id better sleep than be in pain anyway.
"Damn i come to this place a lot." Was the first words i said when i woke up in the hospital "Its like i'm being dragged to this place by something." Nurse looked at me with a weird look when i said that and called the doctor.
Doctor came to me with a worrying face but hell, the things he said were even worse. But i was kind glad as well.
"What i'm going to tell you, well, please stay calm and listen me through"
"You have cancer on your brain located in the temporal lobe we can try to make a surgery but the chances of it succeeding is about 1 out of 10000"
I knew it, i made so much scans to my brain that the radiation most likely started to affect me. Oddly enough i was calm and i didn't felt anything when i heard that. I think i gave up on living and just accepted my fate.
"So how long to i have left?"
Doctor looked through the papers and tried to figure something out.
"Well, lets see. probably few months, with medicine we can drag it out for about 6 months but the thing is that the first 4 months are normal and you can still hear and recognize people normally. However the last 2 months it will get complicated"
I looked up on the ceiling and closed my eyes.
"Doc i got a question, does this cancer affect my memory as well like right now."
Think this might be why i don't remember anything from what happened.
"Well it shouldn't really but we don't know how far the cancer has got in these few months"
I opened my eyes and was a little confused.
"Wait, months? How long was i down for"
"You were in coma for 3 months"
I lost 3 months of my life, precious days on what i could have used to find her. And i started to remember. Her.
I tried to stay up but laying down for 3 months takes a toll. Doctor rushed to me and said to stay down. I don't know what is going on anymore, everything is broken and it happens again and again. Damn, going to loose few weeks on rehab again. Why must i suffer? Why to i have a life like this?
Few weeks went by as i was in a rehab again, damn, this is so sad that it became funny and i did occasionally broke down and started to hysterically laugh. It seems that i even lost my sanity. But i knew i had to still find her and i could still hear her whispers "Don't give up, not yet".
I was finally let out of the hospital and registry said "Well, sir, see you next time". And i knew i would come back because of my stupid mistakes or failures. I went back to the scene where i fell and something was different, there were people in here walking, sitting, and it didn't add up. I heard a explosion over a corner and a building crumbled down almost burying me with it. When the dust settled i saw her on top of the crumbled building smiling at me. The more i got close to her the more she faded away but she ran from me, leading me to somewhere. I followed her to a park nearby and i saw her with a guy. The guy came up to me, and smiled. "So your the problem here." i looked at him, he was wearing a black suit. "Sorry, i'm the problem?"
"Well, yes. See your not real."
I got a weird pain in my chest again. "What to you mean i'm not real? I'm right here aint i?"
"Well, your not a real person. you see the girl who you tried to make contact with is actually clinically frozen but we managed to give her dreams, you are a manifestation of her boyfriend who died in an accident. The girl survived"
I was confused and couldn't comprehend what he said.
"So my life, everything i did was not real, how is that even possible when she is the one who is dreaming"
"It has something to do with split personalty she developed over years of being frozen. This is the reason why you see her but cant actually be with her for very long since she understands that your not real.Actually everything your done til this point wasn't you, it was her."
I dropped down to my knees. "But its not normal, how can i have my own conscious and memories since when i as little, and who the hell are Entities?"
He pulled a paper out of his pocket.
"Time moves slower in subconscious, her dream was actually supposed to start like yours but somehow you manifested out of her mind and she just watched you. The entities are like a weird bug, a glitch in a brain, since it cant figure out who is dreaming and is projecting people more than it should"
"But why now, why tell me now? I suffered for so god damn long, hell, even i'm not even human if i'm not even real it was hard" I got more and more confused and couldn't focus anymore.
"We couldn't get to you since she was keeping me away from you, she wanted you to be real and by time she thought you were but the hospital where we are keeping her had an accident one day. She woke up halfway and lost her mind not knowing what was real or not.We had no other choice to but her back to sleep, unfortunately shes no longer clinically frozen"
Damn, this must be why i was in coma for so long. "So, what happens when she wakes up?"
The guy looked back on the girl and then at me"
"Were about to find out, since its time she woke up from this dream, she has been in it for way to long to begin with and her vitals are dropping"
Damn, i thought i knew it, then i remembered the last piece. Its nothing more but a dream i'm in, no matter what i did to myself no matter what happened i survived i just couldn't die, even the guy who shot himself knew this wasn't real. God i had so many questions, but i was at the verge of collapsing myself. But at least she was watching for me like a guardian angel.
"So, what will happen to me?"
He turned around and started to walk back to the girl. The girl smiled back at me and i could see as she was about to tear up like she is saying goodbye, what if we never actually were very close to begin with. The guy looked back at me and said:
"We don't know, but it will be interesting"
I closed my eyes as i started to feel sleepy then i heard someone whispering "Its time to wake up". I opened my eyes again and heard a heart monitor peeping and saw a ceiling. I heard a voice what was so familiar. "Welcome back John" I turned my head and saw the person who said it.